I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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