how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
