They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
