Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
