Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
