I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
