Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
