My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
