You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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