2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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