Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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