i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
