What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
