i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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