morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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