Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
