Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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