Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
