My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
