i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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