There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
