i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
