Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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