They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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