Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
