New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
