I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
