i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
