I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this boner is exhausting
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
