you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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