I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
