my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
