So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
