let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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