Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
