We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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