cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
