why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
