The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
