Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
