I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I puked a lego.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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