Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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