im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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