So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
