What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
