i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They have beer where we have blood.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
