I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
