he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
