Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
