I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
