So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
