I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know her cup size but not her name....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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