Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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