i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
