Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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