VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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