she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
