Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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